We have just gone through the instructions for the husband and wife relationship, and now Paul moves on to the second set of relations in the household code. And as he did in the first one, he begins with the one in this relationship that is in a subordinate position. And remember the context is about is walking in wisdom and being filled with the Spirit. How do you know that you are Spirit-filled? For children it is when they are obedient to their parents, and for parents it is not when they are provoking them to anger, but instructing them in the ways of the Lord. One of the amazing things about this passage is the wisdom for the family. Again, so often we want to have some direction in the family, and so often things seem to being going from bad to worse. The parents are pulling their hair out, and the children are disrespectful to their parents. And you can see that families are in turmoil today just by the amount of literature being written on the family today. In your local Christian bookstore the section on parenting and the family is larger than the commentary section. Yet all that is needed as far as the operation of the family is written right here in four short verses. The other Scriptures that speak on the parent-child relationship illuminate this passage right here. It is one of those passages that everyone thinks of when they think of the parent-child relationship.

But again, the weakness of so many of the books written on the Christian family that name this section of Scripture is that they do not connect these verses to the context, and the context in the second half of the book is worship; showing the supremacy of God in our salvation. It is about how we are to walk and function as believers to display the beauty of our salvation. And for those who are children this is how you show the beauty of your salvation. For those who are parents, this is how you show your children the worthy and glory of your salvation.

And worship has always been the key in the family dynamic. God’s chosen and covenant people of the O.T. were the Jews. God gave them commands and truths about Himself that they were to live by and function in light of. The preeminent truth of Judaism was taught in Deuteronomy 6:4, “Hear, O Israel! The LORD is our God, The LORD is one!” They never needed divided loyalties or look to other nations and their gods because there is only one God. And therefore the question is what kind of devotion should we have to Him? And the very next verse in Deuteronomy 6:5 says, “You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.” Life is about worship, and we worship God and show His worth in all that we do. And we see how this works out in the family in the very next verses in 6-7, “These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.” You get the idea from that passage that the Word of God and the God of the Word is to have pre-eminence in the family. The word of God and the God of the Word is to be visually lived out and to be verbally communicated constantly in the home. All that the direction that we need as parents is found in acorn fashion in these few verses, and everything that children need to honour and serve and live for God is found in these few verses.

First of all this morning we will look at the wisdom God gives to children. And this passage probably takes in more people than we think because this passage is not just talking about those who happen to be young children, but the Greek word used for “children” means offspring, and this is any that live under the roof of their parents. And there also are some principles for all, even those who have started their own households and no longer under the authority of their parents. Again, the relation that God gives with our parents is another relationship where we can honour and glorify God  and manifest who God is even if it is less than ideal. I want us to see two points and hopefully it will give direction in how we should function in this relationship that God has given us.

1. If children are going to glorify God they need to understand the command. V.1

I think every child brought up in a Christian home knows this verse, and their parents have tried to drive this verse into their minds. God’s word says obey, but so often the child never understands the intent of the passage, and therefore we are just teaching some sort of moralism or law that is impersonal, and not biblical Christianity where any child under the authority of parents can really glorify God. And this is really at the heart of the command.

Now look at the command: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord.” This command is addressed to children. Now the call is to obedience. And let me make a couple of observations. The word “children” suggests that these individuals are in a dependant relationship with their parents. They are dwelling with them. Remember what this is: house code on how to function in the household. When the man marries he leaves his parents as we saw and forms a new union with his spouse. The old preeminent loyalties are gone, but what he is talking about here are those who are in a dependant relationship. Some parents will try to manipulate their adult children and their marriages with this command, but that is certainly not what is being discussed here. The second thing is that these children are old enough to understand this command. They would have been in the congregation when this command was being read, and would have been able to understand the instructions. This would not just include teens, but also younger children who can think and exercise their wills, but also even those who are living in their twenties and still under their parents’ roof. They are still dependant on their parents. And they are commanded to hear the words of their parents and respond to them in a positive way. And that is what the word “Obey” means. It means to “listen under.” The idea of listening is that they really hear. So often young children, teens, and young adults do not listen to their parents and therefore cannot obey them. If you do not understand then you cannot carry out their commands. God wants you to listen and then follow that with action.

Now look at the way that they obey: “in the Lord.” Now “in the Lord” is talking about Jesus Christ. He is the one who is identified as the “Lord” throughout this epistle. Now some take this as commanding children to obey only if their parents are “in the Lord.” In other words, if they are Christians you have to obey them but if they are not you are free to do whatever you please. But this phrase is actually modifying the verb “obey” and telling what kind of obedience we are to render, and that obedience that children are to offer is “in the Lord,” or because of Jesus Christ. They are to obey because when they do so they are glorifying Christ and showing the worth of Christ in their lives. Again, the motive is seeing the greatness and glory of Christ. And that is why it is so important for parents to teach their children, regardless of their age, when they are at home, God’s good, grace, justice, holiness, and attributes and promises should be discussed constantly. The greater they see God, the greater they will seek to glorify God and follow Him.

Children as they get older start to realize things that they already know about themselves, and that is that they are so less than perfect. They begin to see their parents struggle with sin. So often when I talk to teens or young adults with these verses, and the number one reason for their disobedience is the sin and imperfection of their parents. The command does not say that you have to have a certain type of parents, or that you have to agree with their commands. If they are not calling you to sin, the call is to obey and make life as easy and enjoyable to your parents, and in this way you show them the glory of Christ and actually minister to them by showing the greatness of Christ. And on a human level it is amazing how the relationship begins to change. God can use the example of children to actually change their parents.

And look how Paul finishes verse 1: “for this is right.” This is the motivation. The “right” or correct thing, or the righteous thing to do when your parents command you to do something is not to pout or complain or grumble but to recognize that what you do next is God’s will and you can do it whole heartedly. Over in Colossians 3:20 we have the exact command and listen to how that ends: “Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.” The motivation of walking in light of this command is that it is well pleasing to the Lord. Not to walk in light of this command would be displeasing to the Lord. Have you ever thought about obedience to your parents as the primary way right now in your life that you worship God? They are not perfect, but you prove your love for God and therefore your love for them through your obedience.

2.  If Children are going to glorify God they must see the explanation V. 2-3

Often an explanation of a command gives clarity and that is the case here. We see that this command is not something new or it is not something that was just for the culture of the ancient day, but something that dates back to the giving of the Ten Commandments, and something that is binding today. There is no way of getting around this command is God’s will.

Look at what Paul says in verse 2, “Honor your father and mother.” We see that this text has a profound place in the Ten Commandments. This command comes in between the two tables, the first table deals with our responsibilities to God where the second deals with our horizontal responsibilities to others, and is really a response to the first table. This is the first command in the second table. And the Old Testament as a whole really gives a prominent position to children honoring their parents. In fact the penalty for a defiant or disobedient child was to be put to death. This was looked upon as serious and high-handed sin against God, and the reason was is that God had put the parent in an authoritative position, so to disrespect them was to disrespect and dishonor the Lord.

And let me make a couple of comments. So often children have an easier time obeying one parent and they disrespect the other. “I like mom but I can’t stand dad. He is so unreasonable.” Notice that the passage is calling upon you to respect both father and mother. It is both parents. And parents you need to be in line. You need to have some private discussions and come to agreement on how to train your children to love God. Children do know how to play you off against one another. When your children do not overtly disobey, but mumble something under his or her breath or they roll their eyes or if they do not do what they were told in a reasonable time, you have to teach and train them that this is disrespectful and therefore disrespectful to God. This is no light thing.

The other thing that I want us to see is that even when we leave our homes we are still connected to our parents and will have that relationship with them for the rest of our lives. It is our responsibility to take care of them when they get older. And it is our responsibility to a certain extent to respect our parents. They might try and meddle in your marriage or raising your children, but their intentions although they are wrong, they are for the most part trying to help. You are not to get angry or call them names but respect them. It might be the idea that you thank them for their opinion, but you have chosen as a couple to go in another direction, but it is done in love, and respect, and by honoring them. It is by loving them even when it is difficult. And remember as you respond in that way you are honoring God who has put them in your life. You need to find ways that you can bless them and honor them. You cannot honor them by staying at a distance any more than they can love you and care for you by just feeding you or clothing you when you were growing up. This aspect of honor does carry on in the adult life. Remember one of the ways that the Jews dishonored their parents is not caring for them, but said that they committed all they had to God and therefore had to keep it ready if God needed it. Jesus made it clear that even financially supporting your parents is necessary in honoring them when they get to a place where they cannot help themselves. You are to be involved and connect with your parents into adulthood. They might have done some things to really hurt you, but by honoring them you show the worth and value of God’s love for you.

Now look at the end of verse 2 through 3, “(which is the first commandment with a promise), so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth.” Now what does Paul mean that this is the first command with a promise attached to it? Well it is just what it means. Certainly these commands are expanded and illuminated in the following chapters in Exodus, but this is the first one. And in Exodus the command is actually given with the promises that they would stay in the land. All the promises of the Jews were connected to the land. But Paul takes this promise and gives it a universal application. And the idea is that when children obey their parents and honor their parents’ life will be easier and they will be more blest, and they will have longer lives.

Now as you think of that promise, we have to ask in what sense is this a promise because young children still die even though they may have honored their parents? The answer is to recognize that this is a general rule and a general promise that is given to those who seek to honor God and glorify Him. Certainly a society is blessed when children seek to honor and glorify God by taking care of their parents when they are older. It is not about living for self or personal comfort but blessing their parents regardless of what kind of parent they were. A society is more God-fearing and moral in that sense. But also when children seek to honor their parents then they stay away from people and situations that would dishonor their parents, and therefore do not get into places and with people that can harm their lives. They live normal, godly, and healthy lives and honor God by following their parents.

The key to fulfilling one’s responsibility to your parents is being filled with God’s Spirit, or being saturated with His Word and responding to life through a commitment to love God with all our hearts, and minds, and strength. If you are younger you need to recognize that you are not ready to make the decisions that you want to make and trust God by obeying your parents. For those who are older and maybe your relationship with mom or dad was so far short of what God intended, you need to respond in grace and honor them in the here and now. Live out your relationship with Christ by living out the gospel and giving others what they do not deserve. God choses to use a life like that and is glorified in a life like that.